Friday, September 24, 2004


First off, I'd like to say thanks to everyone that gave a f%*k. It meant alot to me. Especially those of you that have never laid eyes on me. THANKS.

I have been alot CRAZY PARANOID, alot of BETRAYED, and most of all alot BLUE.
I even tried to drink my troubles away and ya'll,'s a bad time when you are too Dam BLUE for BOOZE. I didn't even have the appetite for it.

I remembered a conversation I had with a fellow dj diva, Ce-Ce. She's one of those people that always seems to have it together. She's always positive and always encouraging positivity. A while back when I felt this way, I told her how bummed out I was. She listened to my troubles and dismissed them (i thought) by saying,..."yeah,...yeah,(nodding her head) you are have troubles with your faith in God."

cut to me with the most confused face you would ever see, saying,..."No Ce-Ce! You aren't listening to me! "

She said, "I heard you. You are just having faith issues with God."

I admit, I started to get a little pissed. Just as I was about to say, know what? you have totally misunderstood me and everything i told you.... (eurika!) suddenly, dawned on me,...if you believe in God, there should be no fear of the unknown or stress because you are supposed to have FAITH that GOD takes care of his children! With that realization in mind, I had to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to Ce-Ce. I know that FEAR, WORRY, PARANOIA, JEALOUSY, DECEPTION & SECRECY, ANGER, STRESS, HATERS, AND ALL ALIKE.... ARE ALL OF THE DEVIL!

It's hard to deal with that when you are one that tries to be good to everyone even when you don't want to. Especially in a world, and industry filled with lies, egos and deceit. It's easy to get caugt up and consumed. Just being reminded that GOD LOVES! It all helps to carry me though. Everytime I get upset I have to think back on that day with Ce-Ce. I don't even think she realizes what she did for me that day. But I gotta say THANKS CE-CE!

THANKS AGAIN, cyber brothers and sisters.

and you know I have to give thanks to MY FATHER, Our Father,...everyday. Thank you GOD!


Casey said...

I couldn't have put it better myself..
You know I got your back...

Just Me said...

Glad to see your back to yourself!! :) Wish I coulda been there for ya more. Need me, call me. P.S. - I got your books ready when you want them. Love Ya!! :)

jirzygurl said...

we all have those moments and even the most faithful person can find themselves being doubtful and not trusting the Lord! What matters is that you get back to where you need to be... everything always gets better with time and faith.

K-Star said...

Thank you for your comment on my journal -- just trying to understand what it meant. Please explain. Thanks. :)

Stoney said...

Jazz...I can relate to alot of what you have said. I've recently gone through a bitter breakup with my girl of 6 years. I found myself bottoming out. And suddenly I was just moping around and drifting through my days. THEN I prayed. And what I found out was that I was "acting faithless" I was acting liked God had left me and couldn't help me. I had stopped remembering who God is. This is all very recent. So right now today, I'm reactivating my faith. Its now or never. And everytime I try to get down. I remind myself " I'm acting faithless" and I change my thoughts, and my actions. And another thing, that has helped me tremendously: there is power in forgiveness. For so long I was angry with my ex girlfriend for this or that, but today I forgive her for all the hurt she caused in my life and you know what, I feel like a burden has been lifted! So I will just say..hold on to your faith when your life falls apart.

sj-the-infamous said...

WOW! Messages always come at the RIGHT time! That is faith at work. I've been feeling as you have and someone "re-introduced" me to the idea of "faith" as well and it has been the BIGGEST BLESSING! Coming across your blog is just another sign. Thanks for sharing and may your faith continue to be restored.

Peace and Blessings

Stoney said...
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Stoney said...
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Stoney said...

When I was with my ex, we spent some time apart. I had "me" time or whatever. The thing is, we were together alot, and I'm just getting used to roll'n solo. I'm NOT ready to even think about getting into something else right now. Why did you say you dated an "anti-Christ"? Was it the fact that they didn't believe or was it how they acted?

Larry D. Lyons II said...

hey beautiful.
don't know if i said this, but methinks it's worth the redundancy.
1. you are beautiful
2. i've seen your work, and i'm impressed. your mosaics are not a game.
3. you are beautiful
4. i admire your committment to your spiritual evolution

and now for something not so deep...
what did you think of the new jill scott?

A* said...

yeah the booze is some trap huh...*sip-sip*
Who you tellin----> " CRAZY PARANOID, alot of BETRAYED, and most of all alot BLUE."
I refuse to believe it's just me.

There is no reality outside of the absolute reality, which is God.
I hope, pray, and convince myself.
is that faith?

keep shinin'!

K-Star said...

I agree -- a belief in God is just like saying I have no fear of anything BUT Him. Question -- how did you become a DJ? Feel free to hit me up when you get a chance.